Might as well slit my wrists now......

This link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44122528/ns/health-behavior/t/single-people-may-die-younger-new-study-finds/from/toolbar

 will take you to a very disturbing new story about how pepolpe who have never been married, "singles", will DIE 7-15 years EARLIER than those whom are married....
It has something to do with if we were married and or had kids we would be much less likely to live "dangerously".... assholes

Oh Yeah... I almost forgot...

Look at this Jackass....

If you haven't heard about this kid... he was arrested in Texas for breaking into a woman's apartment and trying to suck her blood. He thinks that he is a vampire and he needed to feed..... hahhahhahahahaha

The news is trying to say that it is Twilight and True Blood's fault that this kid thinks he is a fucking vampire. They even interviewed Anne fucking Rice about the Vampire Culture..lol.. and she said that in the years that she has been writing, she has never encountered someone who claimed they were a vampire..

Now, I read a lot of Supernatural literature and I can honestly say that although it would be fucking SWEET to turn into

Lions

or

tigers

or

a wolf.

 you don't see me going outside running down a fucking rabbit and pissing on the tree's do you.. NO, I don't, because I understand that I am NOT an actual shifter although that would be fucking awesome sauce.

I mean honestly, who the fuck does this kid think he is... fuckin

Bela Lugosi

I don't think so bitch.. get some therapy and sit the fuck down.

Antzy in their Pantzy....

It is full moon time again people which makes my old peeps fucking retarded crazy. They seriously should be siting in fucking straight jackets in padded rooms because they are nutso.

 I have one old man who keeps yelling at people as they walk by, then pulling out his weenis and peeing on the floor. Then he laughs and blows raspberry's at people and last night he yelled loudly that he was the devil and had come back for the souls of little children, then chased all the little grandchildren of residents down in his wheelchair.

One of my woman has been singing the "Star Spangled Banner" for the past 2 days and tells all the CNA's to get their "Commie Asses" away from her and that if they are not careful, she will call immigration on them.... which makes me about piss myself laughing... She said that the government put her in this place to sniff out the "Reds".

                          I swear to GOD.. she could be this woman's twin.

I have a married couple that were screaming at each other last night. "Fuck You" "No, Fuck You"... they were yelling that back and forth.. she was telling him she should have ran away with the butcher when he asked her to and left his sorry ass decades ago.. he was telling her he should have married that French Hooker he slept with while in the Service instead of coming back and being stuck with her ass all these years....  She tells him that the reason their son is an idiot is because his rotten apple didn't fall far from his tree and proceeds to tell him that she isn't even sure if their youngest daughter is his... He starts telling her that he had a better time with his hand in the past 50 years than he ever did with her body..  LMFAO.... I about died with that one.

The Full Moon makes them antzy in their pantzy, all of them. Men who live here are calling their wives at 2am, wives are not answering because they are sleeping, and husbands swear that their 80 something wives are out having affairs, dancing the night away at clubs and "USO Shows with Seamen"... is what Alphie told me... I asked him what he meant by semen and he said, "No, I said Sea-men.. not semen.. get your mind outta the gutter."  hahahaahahhahaa

I love every last crazy one of these old sons of bitches... When they are with it.. they can be a wealth of knowledge.. but when they are crazy..

there is no fucking hope for them, or for anyone around them.

I will leave you with this last story... a prime example of how my people are unhinged..
Ms. Pearl is this old southern African American woman. She was married to a "Devil Man" and then when he "died" she married a Preacher. Now, Rufus (roof-us) was her first husband. He used to go out drinking and take her with him. They would get all liquored up and dance the night away at this little place out in the boonies. Well.. they had a baby and she stayed home.. he kept going out. When she was finally able to go out after their second child was born, they went to the bar and a woman approach her and asked what she thought Ms. Pearl was doing with her man. Ms. Pearl told her to back off, that Rufus was her husband and that is why she was with him.. who the fuck was she. The woman began screaming and yelling, calling Ms. Pearl a Floozy and a Whore and that, Ms. Pearl told me, is when she lost it. She told the woman to go to hell and to keep her grubbing hands to herself. The woman came at her.. and that is when Ms. Pearl took out the little knife she kept in the band of her stockings and "slit the bitch". It was never reported because who were people going to believe.. a whore trying to steal her husband, or a respectable mother of 2. She told her family about her husband skirting around town with other women.. next thing you know, a few months later, she was a widow. One year later, she married the Preacher, and they were married until he passed away last fall.

I was STUNNED... hahahahaha.. I still am when I think about it. I asked her why she told me this and she said, "I told you this to drill one true lesson into your head.. Don't EVER, EVER, let some Dirty Whore take what is yours... by all means necessary"

and the Award goes to............

You know who you are, Jackass.

Tatty Tatty Too Too ....

I am thinking about adding a new tattoo or two to my body. I called my brother who works in a Tattoo Parlor and asked him to think of some things that I might like. I told him I wanted a memorial piece and then something else to either add to my left wrist or put on the hand.

So, while he is looking, I decided to take a look at some tats that people have gotten.

This one is pretty bad ass. The amount of detail is fucking amazing.

 What the fuck was this man thinking getting half a heart tattooed on each hand? Hopefully he has some kind of fucking heart condition otherwise that shit is weird.

 This bitch has daddy issues. She prob. works the pole to pay for those..

This guy should have gotten that done by someone who is NOT a fucking retard.. if you look.... that tattoo has a fucking lazy eye.. like my grandma used to have.

Now to ones that are so fucking wrong they should even be on the Internet,

Why????  Why would you do this to yourself... unless they were fucking paying you to do it. You might as well get "Heart Disease Victim" on his back... douche bag....

Please... Please... back when this tattoo was done.. that super hero was lightly holding the breast on its shoulder.. it had not a worry in the world... now a days.. that super hero is fucking struggling trying to keep that titty from completely smothering it...PUSH MAN.... PUSH THAT TITTY UP UP and AWAY !!!!!!!!

By the time she is 80 you wont even be able to see that fucker anymore.. don't sweat it.

My Personal Favorites are the fucking retards that tattoo things like Robert Pattersons signature on their bodies or these.. my mind just fucking hurts.

Yet, I digress.. I have one more to show you and it is possibly the best tattoo I have ever seen. When I say the most awesome.. I mean for one specific person.. Constance... or Cone, as she likes to be called. She is a weird fucking chick and loves a grisly adams fucking type of lumberjacker.. and best of all.. she loves her some fucking beards. So.. Cone.. This ones for you....

Key West bound Bitches....

I have decided that it has been a while since I have been down to Key West so I am planning a trip. Prob just for an overnight trip but still..
See, where I live in Florida, it is about a 3.5 hour boat ride.. instead of the 8.5 if not longer car ride. This amazing boat is called

The Key West Express

I figured that if I can get enough people to head on down with me... hint hint wink wink Matty, Madelyn and Adrian.... then we can head down on a Friday morning,

sit on the beach drinking Rum Runners all day long and go shopping on Duval Street and hit Sloppy Joes for an all nighter..



I know that an all nighter sounds kinda long but I know that we will have no problem finding trouble on Key West at 5 in the morning.. lol ... we are resourceful bitches. So, I know you mothers are reading this... I'm in, I know a person to goto for a discount on tickets, and we are saving to go to Key West and bake all fucking day long.

Come on... Lie and tell me you dont want to and I'll burn your shit down to the ground..lol... or get the scarfs from work, noose them, and string you from the fucking rafters... No Pressure though.. teeheeheee

Smurfette.... you dirty dirty whore.....

Do you know what I was thinking about today while I was in line at McDonald's to get my Mocha Frappe' before work... That Smurfette was the ONLY adult female Smurf in the ENTIRE Village...

there might have been one little Ginger Girl but she came in towards the end... anyway..  ALL the men, besides that grumpy one, were all VERY HAPPY.... dare I say Gay... that means Happy as well for those of you whom are too young to know.

Anywho,  Smurfette was the only one to have her own place I believe, only her and maybe

Pimp Daddy Pappa Smurf

He always had something smart and wise to say.. and you know he kept his bitches in line. Bitches? you ask..  yes, Smurfette and that real happy guy who wore the flower in his hair and ran around with a mirror.. Pimp Daddy Pappa was trickin his ass on the side as well.. and Smurfette having her own place.. with a king sized bed and a dungeon in the basement.. had a revolving door of Smurfs.

If you don't believe me.. think of it this way.. you have slutty Smurfette and "Magic Flutes"...

which automatically means that they are Smurfing

Now, when you have THAT MUCH SMURFING going on.. only one thing can come from that much whoring...

That's right.. a baby fucking Smurf.. who's the babies daddy? It's a fucking mystry. Is it fucking Brainy with his fucking Magical Flute or is it Brawny... is there even a fucking Brawny? Personally, I think that it was Pimp Daddy Pappa Smurf that was the babies daddy. He has to tap that ass at least once a week for quality control. He needs to test it to make sure that he is getting the right amount of money for the tricks that bitch is turning.

Plus, Smurf Village my ass... it should be called STD Village and the main roads are Clapp Blvd and Herpes Dr. Don't forget Smurfette... that bitch lives at the corner of Nobody Loves Me and I Have Daddy Issues. Those mushrooms they grow are for fucking Penicillin due to the outbreaks Smurfette passes to each Smurf and then they pass back to each other. Can you imagine the amount of money Pimp Daddy Pappa has to pay for health insurance otherwise? Fucking Ridiculous. Yet, she kept on trickin and he kept on Pimpin... while Pimp Daddy Pappa's pockets were getting fat off the money coming in from her tricks, Smurfette's vagina was looking like Blue Waffles!

I cant believe that my parents let my brother and I watch that show. Now when I think about it, maybe it was a good thing. Maybe it was a clever way to say that scary old bald men are to be ran away from. Gargamel was one creepy old fucker who I'm pretty sure smelled like Ass and Kitty Litter.

Yet I dont think I learned a damn thing seeing as how I work with creepy bald old men and I love it...lol..

Dizzy Bizzy and a Chopper...

I want to start my own Motorcycle Club called the Dizzy Bizzies..

I'm gonna have a bad ass Fat Boy Harley, and drive around with a cut

that has on the back of it

  

hahahha.. that would be awesome.

We would have shirts that will be available for purchase that will say

                             4Q

and everyone that is part of my MC will have a patch that Reads:

cause they do..teeheehee



Even your mother hates you......

I normally don't say the "C" word accept for special cases. Well... tonight I had to hear about one of those special cases because unfortunately I am fucking related to this bitch.

A little back story.. I went to nursing school.. I got almost all the way through and ran out of money.. couldn't finish because I couldn't pay up front and I owe too much on student loans. Will I go back, eventually, but not right now. I work in the nursing field because I love it and I have a sense of accomplishment in the lives I touch everyday.

NOW.. I have a cousin who is the quintessential Latchkey Kid.

Both her parents worked full time jobs, and needless to say, the latch her key unlocked was to a big fucking house. She is an only child, when she wanted it she got it, no matter what. She is married, has one child and I think this is great. I am very happy that she has found someone that loves her and that she has the means to give her child the opportunities that she will be able to do because she was left a lot of money by her "rich grandparents" .

I like her husband, I like her son, I just FUCKING HATE HER.

She has always been an "I am better than everyone" type of person. I don't give a shit one way or the other how she acts towards me, or what she thinks of me.. but when you treat our Grandparents, who love you soo much, like they are shit and don't come to see them while they are alive..  make them feel like they are not good enough for you.... I have a VERY BIG problem.

My grandparents were amazing people. They had 8 kids and 4 parents that lived with them at different times and had virtually no money.. but they made up for it in love. My cousins other grandparents were divorced, and BOTH had tons of money, which they doted on her, because she was their only grandchild. She ended up making our grandparents feel like shit because she said that they couldn't give her the things she wanted, that her other grandparents could give her, so she wasn't going to waste her time.

There is only ONE WORD to describe this bitch......

CUNT.....  she is a CUNT  !!

ok.. now that the word is out there....

Tonight when I was on my way home from work my mother calls and says I need to get to her house quickly because she is having a great conversation with her sister.. my Aunt Lisa. I rush home, get there, and she puts it on speaker phone. My Aunt tells us about how the CUNT had finished nursing school and got a job at a nursing home because she figured it was easy. She went to work today, saw a call light on

She went to answer it and her resident said that her stomach hurt and she felt that she needed a bowel movement, but she couldn't go. She rolled the woman onto her side to put a suppository in, and the woman SHIT all over her...

I could not stop myself.. I started to laugh so fucking hard I almost piddled in my pants.... all I could think about was what her stupid fucking face looked like when she was shat all over.. fucking awesome.

Anywho... when I calmed down, my aunt said that Cunt doesn't want to go back to work at the nursing home anymore because she was so embarrassed about the situation and that she was crying. Now, I said, "Well, she needs to suck it the fuck up sweetheart.. it wont be the last time she will be shit on no matter what field of nursing she goes into. Jesus Christ, if I cried every time someone shit on me at the nursing home, I would be crying a couple times a week." My Aunt started to laugh and proceeded to say the most amazing thing I think I have ever heard her say.....

She said, " It was never drilled into me as hard as it was tonight that my daughter seriously is

Fucking Retarded... What the fuck was she thinking going into nursing in the first fucking place.. she has no compassion, no bedside manner, and she is a bitch to boot, she wouldn't know a hard day's work if it screamed her name and bit her in the ass."

"I LOVE YOU AUNT LISA !!!!!"   is what came out of my mouth. I have never been so proud of her as I was at that moment. What amazes me is that she didn't realize her daughter was a

Raging

sooner.. maybe like when my cousin tells her she didn't think she was fit enough to watch her own fucking grandson.

Hell-Fucking-Hello!!!!

So.. I was done at that point, I couldn't handle myself anymore and I had to go.

It was so nice to finally see that others think this bitch is an idiot as well as myself. We have never been friends, we never will be friends, and I am ok with that and I know that she is pleased to know it as well. Does she know? you ask... yes.. because I told her that, plus some other long awaited choice phrases when she decided to show up at my grandmothers funeral late and not even tell her own mother that she was sorry that her mother died on my Aunts birthday.

Fuck.. if you are with me still... Fucking Thanks...lol... you deserve a medal!