Pimping out your Grandsons.......

Old People... what is there to say about them... by the time they get to 100 years old... they don't give a shit anymore.

Prime Example:

Today, as I am sitting here, at my desk, one of my elderly ladies comes up to the front because her grandson and great grandson are coming to see her. She is all dolled up and ready for a time out on the town. We start chatting and she asks me if I have any children, if I'm married, IF I'M A LESBIAN.... then she says that she got married young, had a whole slew of kids and so forth... blah, blahblah, blah, blah...
Next thing you know is, here come her grandson and great grandson. Grandson is in 50's, great grandson is in late 30's... she introduces us, they sign her out, and they leave. All of a sudden, the grandson comes back in, half laughing, and says that his grandma said that he should tell me that his name is Sam, his fathers name is Terrance, and that neither one of them is married, and that he has no children. I thanked Sam and told him I would see him after they got back from lunch..

Now, after lunch, they come back and she proceeds to tell them that I am not married, I am a "lovely girl", come from a family of good breeders, and I'm not a Lesbian. We all just looked at her with our mouths wide open.. she then tells them that I have a good job but that I'm not afraid to work seeing as how I have more than one job which also means that I am not high maintenance. Then she says, "I have to hit the head, I'll be right back.. don't leave boys, play nice" and with a wink she was gone.

So I asked them WHY she keeps putting emphasis on the fact that I am NOT a lesbian and Sam says its because his last 2 girl girlfriends ended up turning into lezbo's.. and of course I couldn't stop myself from hysterically laughing at this poor man whom obviously feels that he has turned these woman into lesbians. The older man said that all she did at lunch was talk about how he needed to re-settle down and how the younger of the two needed to settle down with a nice woman and have some babies.

I told them that they better get to marrying because if they don't, she doesn't seem like the type of woman to mess around with. They laughed and said no, she wasn't someone to mess with and that if they show up to take her out again and they have not at least gotten a date, she might end up beating the shit out of them.

We chatted for a while longer until she came back and they went outside. About 10 min ago, she comes back in and makes a bee-line straight for my desk. I smile and she says, "So, which one do you want?" I just laughed because this woman is seriously pimping out her grandsons.. I told her that they both seemed nice but that unfortunately, I think that their attentions might be otherwise engaged. She said nothing, then in a loud, pissed off voice said, "They need to be with a woman who can take care of me and them... that woman is you. Now, like I said, make a choice."
I have never REALLY been frightened of an old person before, but I swear to GOD, if she would have had a sharpened toothbrush at that moment, I think she would have shanked me with it...lol..

When she was through asking me which one I was taking, she said that she needed to go to her room at check her Facebook, update that she is anticipating the nuptials of one of her grandsons, and then she has to update her twitter as well.

Now, I have NO FUCKING CLUE how to work twitter and if I didn't have Facebook on my phone, I wouldn't know how to use that either... and here is this 100 year old lady all Tech Savy .... it makes me want to slit my fucking wrists... her fucking memory is better than mine.. it is disgusting.

After all this has happened, my old man Gerry comes over laughing. When I asked him what he thought was so fucking funny, he held up his left hand and started ticking off points...
 He said 
1.) That old biddy is bound and determined to get those boys married.. she is like a Pitbull.
2.) She has set her sights on you because you are not married, not a Lesbian, not High Maintenance, and come from a family of breeders.
3.) Your a sweet girl and honestly any man would be lucky to have you.. because remember.. you have more cushion for the pushin... no man likes to be tearing it up and in the middle have to stop because.. "Ow, your hurting me, that's too hard, blah, blah, blah"
4.) Your smart and you really don't need a husband to take care of you..
and
5.) I think that that woman gives no shit at all.. she is 100 years old, her give a shit got up and went a LONG time ago.

And this is why I love my Gerry..

He then went and got Tommy, one of my old Marine Vets and told him the whole story. Mr T., that's what I call him, said that those men wouldn't prob. know the first thing to do with a "full figured woman" such as myself..lol.. he said that his wife was a plump woman and even after 7 kids under foot... he still couldn't keep his hands off her. I then told him all that makes a lot of sense seeing as how he forever squeezing my boobs whenever he gets close. He said, "Your titties are WAY bigger than my wife's used to be... I like them... hence the squeezing and groping whenever I get a chance." Gerry was laughing so hard and gave Mr. T a fucking HIGH FIVE.. and then they both proceeded to talk about how any man that takes me on is going to need to be creative because although I might seem like a really nice, conservative young woman on the outside... they think I am STRAIGHT UP FREAK on the inside...   there words, not mine...lol...

Who knew that old men could be so perceptive...lol....

How can you go FUCK yourself? Let me count the ways......

Obviously this mother fucker doesn't... and if you couldn't tell from how you cant understand a fucking thing that comes out of her mouth... maybe you can get it from how she is yelling at me in fucking Creole.

Here is the story.........

Today I get to work, get my shit together, go into the kitchen to make coffee for my residents. A woman that works here comes up to me and starts yelling at me in half English/half Creole about someone calling all day yesterday from the hospital and how I didn't answer the phone once... ALL DAY... why can I not do my job? So I calmly told her that from the hours of this and that, I answer every fucking phone call that comes into this building and that although yes, I did get telephone calls from that hospital, I didn't get a single phone call about any sick child. Sorry, but I, unlike her, know how to do my job correctly. She continued to yell at me, saying I am a liar, and how I don't do anything... why couldn't I answer the phone. SOOOOOOO... needless to say, i was just a tad bit pissed off.. I started in on her, as she was on me...

I told her that unfortunately, I don't understand what the hell it is that she is talking about because I don't own a fucking

and that at this point in time, not only could the people at the hospital go Fuck themselves but so could she. It is not my fault that the hospital obviously couldn't call the right number. She started yelling at me in Creole and I told her that I was sorry, but that I don't have an

and that I couldn't understand a fucking thing coming out of her mouth.. and I left...

Now, I understand that your child was sick... now that I got someone to explain to me what you were screaming, but what I don't get is why you wouldn't give them the correct telephone #. It is sad when even the people at the hospital cant understand what the fuck you are saying!!!! It's not my issue bitch, it's yours... now deal with it. There is little thing, called the

they can totally help you out with reading and even speaking English. It's amazing, most churches around here have an ESL (English as Second Language) classes for free as well... look into it asshole and get off my imaginary dick.

I wouldn't go to fucking Haiti, live and work there for YEARS, and not have some semblance of how to get my fucking meaning across... we have some sons of bitches that work here that SERIOUSLY cant speak, read, or understand English AT ALL.. you know who they are because they are the ones always smiling a bit to large and saying, "Okay bay-bee"

AWWWEE FUCK they piss me off.

When I worked in a place where the majority of my customers were Spanish Speaking, I got a phrase book, got one of the Spanish Speaking co-workers to help me ask specific questions and I was able to function at work. I could read it for the most part, already understood more than I spoke before I started and was able to do my job.

It is not that fucking difficult to put forth the fucking effort to do your job.

Now Dont I feel like a Jack-Ass

I sometimes feel like a fucking Pack Mule.. actually, Pack Mules get paid better and are treated a hell of a lot nicer than I. Sometimes, I just want to slap the shit out of them.. calling before I come to work to ask where this is and that is. "How do I do that?"... If I hear this fucking question out of one more persons mouth... about their own fucking job... I might have to go fucking Post Office Worker on their asses.

How nice would it be just to wake up one day and not give a shit.. I mean REALLY not give a shit... wow... just the thought of it makes me giddy. To walk into to work and when they start to bitch about cards and insurance verifications just to turn around with a ginormous smile on my face and say,
" Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You, Your Cool Matty/Rose, Fuck You, I'm Out!!!"

That would rock my fucking socks... or have a special day once a month where all the little people got to stick it right up the asses of our bosses and tell them to "Take it like a man" right up their poop shoots.... how the fuck do they like it. I think you will fucking love it when I get one of those video cameras out and tape the donkey show that is play out using YOUR ASS and an ACTUAL ass..lol... that will be AWWWWESSSOOME......

I know, I know... they have bosses that get on their asses as well.. Bosses that treat them like shit..oh... but bosses that pay them a FUCK LOAD MORE than I get paid... so you know what I have to say about that don't you...

THIS IS MY FUCKING RANT... NOT YOURS BOSS.... YOU WANT TO BITCH ABOUT YOUR BOSS, GET YOUR OWN FUCKING BLOG...... BITCHES!!!!!!!

:)  ahhhhh.. That felt fucking sweet....

Cat's Meow and Post Blowjob Etiquette....

"Cat's Meow" (Predators #1) by Nicole Austin

I was rereading this book last night and about pissed myself laughing. I completely forgot how funny this book could be. It was fucking hilarious. This book is about a man who is sexy as fuck and a woman who has suppressed her sexuality so deep into herself, that it took one sexually driven man named Micha to bring out the sexual siren in her. From the moment she saw him, Becca had to have Micha... and he felt the same way.. she wanted to, NEEDED to touch him, needed to be with him so when the time arose, she went to town. Micha was NOT expecting what he got when he took nerdy doctor Becca up to his hotel room. One night, that is all they had, one night of wild abandon and then back to their lives of normalcy. Mad scientists, animal DNA, crazy procedures, and a zoologist make for an interesting read.. plus all the steaming hot sex doesn't hurt things any..lol...

What was funny as fuck was when Becca got done going to town on Micha's cock when they were in that hotel room, she wasn't sure what to do... then the author wrote, as Becca was self conscious after sucking the breath from him, "She wasn't even sure what the appropriate post blow-job etiquette was!"

hahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahaha...........
 That is fucking awesome.... and then it got me thinking.....

What IS the proper post blow-job etiquette? I mean, I know that from personal experience, I am so proud of myself that my partner was yanking my hair and saying "Yes, Yes", or whatever other dirty fucking things people have said to me, and I'm so turned on from the whole process, that spit or swallow, I don't give a shit.

 Take a couple of deep breaths, if he likes the taste of himself on your lips, make out... if not, keep a cup and a small bottle of Listerine next to the bed/couch/glove compartment... and your all set to get a move on it..
If it is a stranger.. well, good for you... hopefully ladies and gents, you got yours BEFORE you sucked all the seed from him because a lot of times.... people are not as giving as you may be.. its your own fault really.. if you PLAN on giving a blow job because

Then make sure you let your stranger know that to get what he wants, you need payment... now, whether that be in money, orgasms, of whatever gets you off these days just let them know you like giving head, your good at it, and that you need to get off before you do it to put you in a "less inhibited state of mind" ...lol.. That one has worked wonders..lol

When your done for the night, set up a time for a massage and a teeth cleaning and you should be all set.