FUCKING REALLY ???? REALLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE egg salad sandwiches with a passion... I mean REALLY love egg salad. Tonight, at work, all I wanted was an egg salad sandwich for dinner and they gave me one... and THAT is what it looked like. Some ghetto assed sandwich in which they smeared an unbelievable amount of mayonnaise on the bread and then sliced up a fucking deviled egg and strategically placed slices in the mayo and fucking put it in the icebox. Really....... how fucking difficult is it to mash up fucking hard boiled eggs and mix in some fucking mayo... and add a little salt and pepper..... honestly....
What type of fucking idiot do you have to be to not be able to do that... fucking retards...
Jesus Christ... I'm not asking you to be fucking Julia Fucking Child here people... I'm just asking for you not to be mentally fucking challenged to the point where people from fucking inbred parts of Kentucky are fucking smarter than you.
Fuck
The worst fucking part is that people actually pay to have their families fed this shit.... A LOT of fucking money...
OMG..... I am still so pissed off I can't even see fucking straight..
Shit.. I'm done

I didnt know you could use honey that way.....

I read a book yesterday that was pretty interesting.
 It was called

 Big Bad Wolf by Flesa Black.

It had an ok plot that had been done before but it was a different take on the Were community.. how they can be born or made.. turn mad from the shift or die... and it had some Olympic style sex... the kind with toys and sex wedges and handcuffs/ankle shackles....  all super fun stuff...

NOW... my only problem, which really isn't a problem, just a curiosity I guess of sorts... is they have a bout of sex in the kitchen, at the table, for breakfast. Rex brings out the honey and drizzles it all over Vivian's body, licks it off ... yadda, yadda, yadda.....   Then, he pulls her off of his dick, hands her the jar of honey and raises his eyebrow at her. She thinks, just like I thought, that he wanted her to slather the honey on it, then suck and lick it off.... isn't that what you all thought?  Well no......... he wanted her to slather honey on his dick and use the honey

as Lube to stick it in her

Ass.

Now, I guess I can understand that you could possibly use honey as a lubricant for anal sex but wouldn't that be

A: VERY MESSY

B: Kind of uncomfortable

C: Dangerous for your Bowels

and

D: Dangerous for the extra honey that slides in and out and then eventually into your vagina. It has feces on it people... Thats fucking gross!!

I really don't want to know how you could clean out all the honey from your colon. Unless one of you has used honey as anal lube before... then PLEASE tell me... because now I am curious beyong fucking belief. What would happen if you didn't get it cleaned out, would stuff get stuck in the honey and not be able to come out correctly and then the next thing you know, you have to go to the hospital and get your colon scraped. That just sounds like it hurts. How the fuck would you explain that to your doctor.. fuck that... your insurance company when they ask why you had to have your colon scraped..lol...

 Plus, you have got to think, sand it hard to get out of your vagina when you get home from the beach... how the hell are you getting honey out .. of all the sticky, syrupy, messy shit you can stick in your body..... Jesus Christ people.. a little fucking common sense is in order when you are shoving food items in your ass.. or when it can ooze out of your ass and into your vagina.... your gynocologist is going to be pissed the fuck off if your paps keep coming back abnormal because of honey contamination..lol..... Plus.. getting honey in your pee hole.. not just for the ladies but for the guys as well... what happens if it dries in your urethra and then you cant pee.. you have to go to the hospital, AGAIN, and get your pee hole debred... shit.. that just sounds like it would suck balls.

OHHHHHH... the humanity... you would have to go Full Monty with a razor as well because there is NO FUCKING WAY that you will be able to salvage any type of pubic hair after a bout of honey anal sex... oh... what if they have a hairy poop shoot.... that would suck even more...

Shit People.......... DONT DO IT!!!!  

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Fucking Plugs for Fucking Computers... aaahhhhhh

This is what I feel like my computer has turned into. I am sooooo pissed off that I think I might scream and my little brother might actually take a hammer to the computer..lol..

ok.. here it is..

Adrian hooked me onto Sons of Anarchy.. no, not to the point where I'm all about the gang bang like she is,

 but enough to buy all the seasons so far and then buy season 3 on Amazon on Demand so I wouldn't have to wait until August to get season 3.

My brother went through some shit that left him a little shaken up and he wanted to spend some time with me, and far be it from me to not accommodate my baby brother..lol..

So, I told him about the show and he agreed to watch the seasons with me. Next thing you know, asshole decides to force me to stay up all  night long to finish the first season. Now.. when I say All Night Long, I mean literally, he had me start at 9pm and we didn't stop until 6am... he is now addicted

and I do mean addicted. To the point that he was trying to talk the other fire fighters he has been working with to start watching it so he wont miss any episodes when the show starts back up. He decided that if he gets them hooked now like he is... he wont have that problem when the show comes back on in September.  lol

So, we finished both season 1 AND season 2 in about 4 days..lol.. well, you cant really call it days.. it was 4 nights... anywhoo

He was soooooooooo pissed off by the end of the second season he wanted to watch the 3rd season right away but we didn't have the plug to turn the TV screen into the computer screen. He was so excited that he really couldn't even sleep that night... he actually told me it felt like Christmas Eve and he was so giddy and stoked that he was half tempted to drive to Walmart right at that moment and buy the fucking plug so we could watch it right then...

Yesterday he went out and spent $45 on a plug that goes from the computer to the TV so that we wouldn't have to watch season 3 on the small computer screen, we could watch it on the fucking Big Screen TV we have and rock the fuck out to SOA.  Well, what is it they say about plans.... oh, that's right, FUCK YOUR PLANS..lol..  the plug is plugged in both the computer and the TV and the fucker WONT WORK!!!!
I text brother to tell him about it and he has the

BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To ask me if I turned the TV onto the right channel...... like I didn't fucking think of that shit myself you fucking shitstick...

He then comes over and starts cussing and yelling at the computer.. like it is going to work just because he threatened to rip it in fucking half. hahahahhahahahahhahaha.. its funny to watch him flip the fuck out...

So now we are pissed off at the TV and the computer and then we have to watch fucking season 3 on the computer any fucking way... hahahha... I think it's going to be thrown in the fucking canal if it doesn't stop buffering...

And now I am sitting here typing this blog and watching my secret addiction....

 Say Yes to the Dress... teeheehee.....

Family Logic...

I know I haven't posted in a while but hey... shit happens people. Lol.. anywhoo...
The other day my youngest brother coms to my house in the monstrosity pictured above. I started to laugh and asked if he was a fucking retard because he looks like fucking Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies. "That buggy is fucking sweet" he says to me as I roll my eyes and call him a fucking Jack-Wagon. If you all look closely, his buggy even has the bench seat raised for "granny" to sit on with her fucking shotgun.. asshole..lol..
The next day, he and I went out to see "The Hangover II", which by the way is FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!... but, as we are leaving, our other brother calls... this was the conversation on speakerphone...

(we will use B1 for little brother.. B2 for other brother...)

B1: Hey brother.. what's happenin?
B2: Hey, I need you to come out to the county line
B1: Why, what's doin?
B2: I need you to help me get your truck out of the mud
B1: You stuck?
B2: No, I just can't get it out
B1: Ummm... normally that means your stuck dick
B2: Fuck You you little bastard, I'm not fucking stuck I just can't get it out, so come get your fucking truck
B1: ... can't get it out??? That sounds like a personal problem to me bitch..lol
B2: I'm gonna fucking kill you as soon as you get here.. I hope you know that

Seriously boys???? Are you fucking serious.... bitch, if you can't get it out.. you are STUCK... fucking deal with it. Yet.. this is family logic... I remember one time I took my old mans truck out mudding when I was in Highschool, got stuck, refused to call and tell him OR his friends, so I stripped down to my underware and used my cloths and boots as traction for under the wheels in the mud because all the downed trees and branches and shit were soaked... no good for traction. Did I feel like a total douchbag for driving around Lehigh in my underware... yes... but I got the truck out without having to admit to anyone then..lol... that I was stuck. It is a pride thing I guess...lol...
My family has its own logic... as do most families... yet our logic comes with a lot curse words and a lot of stupidity. Here are some examples:

My father on pulling teeth out with a string and a doorknob..
"If you would shut your fucking mouth for a minute.. maybe the the string could catch and rip that fucker out of your mouth".

My youngest brother on a sure piece of ass..
"Well, Whenever I say, "Hello Whores", the one that doesn't get pissed off is the winner"

My father on keeping the peace between my mother and I..
"If both you crazy ass bitches are never wrong, just fucking blame me, I haven't been right since 1978"

My father on the perfect Christmas Present for Mom..
A 9mm handgun in a box with the note "This is to kill me with.. Merry Christmas"

My other brother on family order..
"Sorry dad.. but if one of you has to have an "accident" it'll be you... your life insurance is worth more"

Me, on siblings ...
"How the fuck are we related?? Your fucking retarded and I'm stuck on this side of stupid.. shit.. if we didn't look so much alike I wouldn't even claim you... dumbass.

Hot Diggity Damn!!! Goodreads Review: Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex

HOT DAMN!!!!

This book was awesome in that dirty nasty naughty way people sometimes like to be in. From slapping your pussy like the dirty whore he knows you are, over the phone for your old man to hear, to making bacon on the dining room table before your dinner guests arrive, to some things you need to read just so your imagination can have new fuel for your sexcapades  ..lol..  ;) This book is a great quickie for when that is truly the only time you have. Some are instant wet your panties, make you rub your thighs together vigorously and add in some kagel exercises in for fun, and others are a slow smoldering heat that builds and lets you take over from there.. but no matter what your poison is.. this book has it.
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/1315873-alisa%22%3EView all my reviews</a>

"Having siblings can suck a teet"... OMF-in G.....

Tonight at the nursing home I had a woman come to me and ask if I had the "Misfortune" or meeting her brother. When I told her no, that he had come in on days I was off.. she laughed and said lucky you. She got so pissed because her mother had a stroke back in 06 and her brother is just now coming to see her.. to make sure if she is ok. The mother thinks that this son, and the son in prison walk on fucking water and that the daughter that comes in everyday to see her is a piece of shit. When I commented on this, and how sometimes I would like to stick my brothers in a fiery car and push them off a tall cliff, she said, "Having siblings can suck a teet!" and then she walked off....



NOW, after I was done almost pissing myself because of the way this woman just bust out with it, another family member came up and said that her mother has completely forgotten her younger pain in the ass sister who never gave a shit about her mother, and that she was never ever again going to remind her mother about the other daughter because her mom was so much nicer now thinking she only has the one daughter..lol...
"It's nice to finally be fucking number 1"... then she laughed and walked away..

I can honestly say that my brothers and I know that no matter how much my mother might talk her shit about loving us all equally... that she doesn't have a favorite... we know this to be complete and total bullshit. We don't mind.. with her there is a hierarchy... a number 1,2 and 3 spot for her three children. My brother Matt ALWAYS occupies the number 3 spot... he likes it there.... Danny and I are forever teeter-tottering back and forth for the numbers 1 and 2 position. Whoever is not the biggest disappointment, gets the number 1 position while the other falls to number 2 and then Matt brings up the rear. One day I remember telling Matt, "I wish I was like you sometimes" When he asked why I told him that I would KILL to not give a fuck as much as he doesn't give a fuck.."HOW do you do it brother?"  He has kept it his little secret... he wont ever give it up... so then I asked him if it ever bothers him that he is always number 3. That GENIUS said to me, "The more time they spend paying attention to what the fuck you two douche bags are doing... the less time they have to really pay the fuck attention to me.. and I like it that way so don't fuck up so much that you fuck my shit up sister... I will not be happy"..lol... God love that smart, smart brother of mine.

So then I started to ponder...... what would it take to be at the bottom of the barrel.... what the fuck would I have to do to be sent down to the bowels of hell which is known as number 3? Would murder do it? Would chopping up special ed people on their way to the special Olympics be the way to go? Would taking out a billboard telling everyone in town my mothers REAL AGE do the trick... lmao.. no, that would be grounds for her murdering me actually..lol.. the fucking woman is 38 years old AGAIN.. for like the 15th fucking year in a row...hahahhahahaha

I called my older brother to ask him what he thought I could do to be at the bottom of the sibling heap. He then asked, "Why the fuck would I know... your mom is my step-mom... I don't know what the fuck would piss her off enough for her to banish you to number 3 status. And what the fuck to do care for anyway? Your pops favorite... the bastard doesn't even try to hide it either..lol... I mean Jesus H Christ Lisa... when his grand kids asked him if he had a favorite child.. when most people would be like you mom and say, Oh, I love my children all the same..... our fucking father tells them.. My favorite is your Aunt Lisa... hands down.. so if you want to be my favorite grandchild... ask her how to do it.....   How fucked up is that sister?"

After I caught my breather and stopped laughing so hard I really thought about it and said Fuck It.... as long as I'm daddy's favorite... where I land on moms list doesn't really matter... although, I would really like it if she got up off my ass about every little fucking thing she doesn't like about my life because believe you fucking me.... there are A LOT of little things she doesn't like or agree with... but, taking a page out of my brothers book....
 I'm not giving a shit...
 until the Ginny guilt gets kicked into over drive....
then I'll prob cry in the corner rocking back and forth asking for forgiveness...

because when it comes to  my mother...

I AM SCARED SHITLESS OF THAT WOMAN.....lol...

REALLY.