Oh Daddy.. Your best friend is the best

I read this book a few days ago and I have to say that it was smoking. It is a short story but it packs one hell of a punch.

                                                                 

   My Daddy's Best Friend

  by Gia Blue

I LOVED THIS.... YOU MUST READ IT

Mr. Joe Parker.... ooohhhhhh, the things I could and would do to a man like you and your sexy ass...  Just reading about you makes me think of a sexy ass man..

Ohhh, John Cena... you sexy mother.. I would rape you if you were my Daddy's Best Friend.. I don't give a SHIT about age differences or ex-wives.. not a care in the world, and it would be well worth any reprimand I might receive or disapproving looks I might get from my Dad.

Jessica has wanted one man above all others... her fathers best friend, a special ops military man... Mr. Joe Parker.... (Insert John Cena here)

 Mr. Parker's wife decided that she didn't want to be married to him anymore because she needed something else.. what the hell ever.. so he is S I N G L E now.. and that is all it takes for Jessica. She finally decides that she has to have him before she goes away to college and puts a plan together. To seduce him until he cant say no.. put him in a situation where he can no longer stop himself from fucking her six sides to Sunday, and it works even better than she had planned.

 I thought this was great... a total re-read...  and like I said up top... You should totally read it!!

You can touch me there anytime Tom Selleck...

BAM !!!!

Oh.. sexy Tom Selleck... how I love you... let me count the ways..

Believe you me...I wont let anything get in the way of your enjoyment either Sexy Selleck..  ohhhhhhhhh... Tom.

I had the BEST dream about Tom and I last night..lol..  and seeing as how I was talking yesterday about people I had crushes on or was obsessed with when I was young, I figured I would continue with my main man

Tom Selleck.  I have had the biggest crush on Tom since I was younger and watched Magnum P.I. on USA. His dark hair, blue eyes... all that manly chest hair... oh God.. please don't forget the mustache.. I love that... teehehehhee.. there is just something about Tom

That I cant stop myself from. I was a member of his Fan Club when I was younger.. I couldn't afford to get an autographed picture of his.. but I will someday.. 

hint hint wink wink for Christmas brother, I know your reading this....

AnyJew, When Tom would be chasing some criminal down in his, well, Robin's Red Ferrari.. or flying around in the helicopter.. in a wet suit reliving his days as a Navy Seal.. everything Magnum did was only awesome because it was done by Tom Selleck.

Did I really like the movie Three Men and a Little Lady... NO,  but I watch it because Tom is in it and looks fucking sweeeet.

Plus, its not just the younger Mustache I love.. its the older one as well... He is like Sean Connery.. keeps getting better with old age. He is so stern looking and smoldering that I can not help myself..

I'm sorry, but Crocodile DunDee has NOTHING on Quigley Down Under.. to even suggest that it does means that I need to stalk you for a couple of days, figure out your routine, then use my fool proof way of not getting caught and kill you because you are obviously too stupid to live.

I used to dream of being Mrs. Selleck..lol...

and Yes







I have totally had this discussion with a therapist

Don't you worry.. he said that as long as I know that I am not really Mrs. Selleck.. its OK that I dream about it.. its normal.

lol

I'm baaaccckkk.. and yes.. I see you Tom Selleck.. I would have come by yesterday but Davey Jones and Joey McIntyre... even I wont touch them.. and I'll touch anybody.. hehehe.. you'll see Tom, You'll see.. I know something you can tickle with that stache...

Mustache Rides For Everyone !!!!!!!!!!!

                           See you later Tom.. I'll be watching you....

Sifting through your body parts somewhere in New Jersey..

Ok, I know that there will be tons of little girls running around the movie theatre tonight with their

Outfits on screaming for Taylor.. aka.. Jacob...  as if they knew him. They are totally going to end up pissing me off with their fucking little girl bullshit. Ugh.. God... maybe I'll say fuck the movies and go when they are all in school.

Look, I totally get it. You may think that I am just some old lady who busts out with shit sometimes but honestly... I GET THIS...

How? Because I was once a young girl you fucktard, that how.

I had THEE biggest crush on none other than...

yes, you guessed it...

Davey Jones...   ahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!

He was so cute and so funny and I just couldn't help myself every time he was on I squealed like the little girl I was and couldn't pull myself away from the television, no matter what time of the day he was on.

The Monkees were awesome... they had their show that I watched religiously... Come on everybody, sing with me now..., "Hey Hey We're the Monkees, people say we monkee around, but we're too busy singing, to put anybody down.."

Hell Yeah!!!!!

Then, when I got a little older.. I was IN LOVE, with

Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block..

Yes I Was..

Curtains.. check, Sheets and Pillow Cases.... check, Big Gigantic pin that says, "I <3 Joey"... check, Bop and Tiger Beat posters of Joey on my walls... check. I was obsessed.. and it was all about Joey and the New Kids on the Block... aahhhhhhh!!

Now, 20 years later, I had the chance to go to a NKOTB concert. Oh my my my.... all grown up, and sexier than ever.. SHIT... Even Donnie, now that he dropped the crack pipe, is looking SWEEEEET!!

OOOOHHHHHH... yes... When I went to this concert I spent more on 2 floor tickets than I did on two months worth of gas.. and it was totally worth it. I had never seen so many Thirty-something woman going ape shit.. as if they were still tweens screaming for them back in the day. Favorite part had to have been the little girls sitting in their chairs, faces bright red and rolling their eyes, as their mothers and in some cases grandmothers, were on their chairs screaming out things like, "Jordan I Love You", "Donnie.. you can Click Click me ANYTIME!!"  "AHHHHHHH!!!!!!". Amazing, that is what it was.. and was I one of those Thirty Something woman screaming and standing on my chair.. Hell Yes I Was... I had seats on the floor right next to the Piano that came out of the floor that they were all on... I climbed the fence that was between us and

Joey

Touched

My

Hand !

My Right One..

He Touched It !!

AHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHHA

and Dirty Sexy Donnie touched my Left one.....

Oh Yes..... it was an AMAZING NIGHT if I do say so myself.

Bonus: It was like a fucking High School Reunion at that concert..lol

So, when I say that I get it, and that I understand where these little girls are coming from, I really do. Now, I would NEVER break down in tears because I saw one of them and didn't even tear up when they touched me.. so THAT part, I don't get.. to be so emotionally moved and disturbed enough to break down in fucking tears over these people is a little retarded.. but hey...  most times... that is how young girls are.



Having said that... maybe I will go to the movies and join in with the Team Jacob crowd for old times sake.

Goodreads Review: Dirty Girl by Tina Hess... Ohh how good it is

Ok.. This story is about a young woman who is pissed off at her Aunt and Jesse, her Aunts husband who is pissed because his wife slept with another man. Two people, kind of related, fucking each other to get revenge on the same bitch.

Now, I don't have a problem with this book when I read it and pretend that they are not related in any way. But when the girl, who's name we never know, is straddling her Uncle Jesse and grinding on his cock, he says, "You remind me of your Aunt"

.......................................................... Really ..........................................................

THAT is what you are going to say to me as I am getting ready to fuck you, that I remind you of my Aunt............ Really? I would have been SOOOO pissed, I prob wouldn't have let him cum at all.. just got mine and left.. but hey, I'm a girl who has standards.. obviously not this "dirty little slut" as her uncle calls her in the end of the story.

After he makes he cum on his hand, he says, "See what you're making me do? Let me see your pussy, Let me see what you made me touch."

I feel kind of dirty myself, but I have to admit... it's kinda hot... lol..  He is old enough to be her father... he used to watch her when she was a baby... but he is fucking the shit out of her now to erase the horrible, useless, impotent feeling his wife has left him with due to her adultery. Poor, Poor Uncle Jesse.. he has felt like he was neutered until his dirty, slutty little niece comes by and starts grinding on his cock. He feels loads better now... hahahhaha.. pun intended...

AnyJew.. One of the best parts is when he is asking her if she likes what he is doing.. ,"You like fucking your Uncle Jesse don't you dirty girl?"  lmfao.. she says, "Yeah.. Fuck me harder baby." and then what happens... he says, "Say my name.. say my name for me."... she does.. and he goes ape shit and fucks her harder and faster..next thing you know... he reprimands her for making him cum and shooting it all up in her....

O M G ..... I cant think about it without blushing and giggling...

But.. I would have to say it is dirty, naughty. slutty, a bit taboo... but it was fucking great... Will I read it again.... HELL YES ... I already have.   ;)

I'm watching you Dirty Girl.. I know you like it when I touch you there.. ohhhh dirty slutty little girl.. it wants you to touch it.. its throbbing with the need of your fingers wrapped around it.. milking and squeezing... ohhh dirty girl... you know I likey.... I likey long time...

LMAO

Antzy in their Pantzy....

It is full moon time again people which makes my old peeps fucking retarded crazy. They seriously should be siting in fucking straight jackets in padded rooms because they are nutso.

 I have one old man who keeps yelling at people as they walk by, then pulling out his weenis and peeing on the floor. Then he laughs and blows raspberry's at people and last night he yelled loudly that he was the devil and had come back for the souls of little children, then chased all the little grandchildren of residents down in his wheelchair.

One of my woman has been singing the "Star Spangled Banner" for the past 2 days and tells all the CNA's to get their "Commie Asses" away from her and that if they are not careful, she will call immigration on them.... which makes me about piss myself laughing... She said that the government put her in this place to sniff out the "Reds".

                          I swear to GOD.. she could be this woman's twin.

I have a married couple that were screaming at each other last night. "Fuck You" "No, Fuck You"... they were yelling that back and forth.. she was telling him she should have ran away with the butcher when he asked her to and left his sorry ass decades ago.. he was telling her he should have married that French Hooker he slept with while in the Service instead of coming back and being stuck with her ass all these years....  She tells him that the reason their son is an idiot is because his rotten apple didn't fall far from his tree and proceeds to tell him that she isn't even sure if their youngest daughter is his... He starts telling her that he had a better time with his hand in the past 50 years than he ever did with her body..  LMFAO.... I about died with that one.

The Full Moon makes them antzy in their pantzy, all of them. Men who live here are calling their wives at 2am, wives are not answering because they are sleeping, and husbands swear that their 80 something wives are out having affairs, dancing the night away at clubs and "USO Shows with Seamen"... is what Alphie told me... I asked him what he meant by semen and he said, "No, I said Sea-men.. not semen.. get your mind outta the gutter."  hahahaahahhahaa

I love every last crazy one of these old sons of bitches... When they are with it.. they can be a wealth of knowledge.. but when they are crazy..

there is no fucking hope for them, or for anyone around them.

I will leave you with this last story... a prime example of how my people are unhinged..
Ms. Pearl is this old southern African American woman. She was married to a "Devil Man" and then when he "died" she married a Preacher. Now, Rufus (roof-us) was her first husband. He used to go out drinking and take her with him. They would get all liquored up and dance the night away at this little place out in the boonies. Well.. they had a baby and she stayed home.. he kept going out. When she was finally able to go out after their second child was born, they went to the bar and a woman approach her and asked what she thought Ms. Pearl was doing with her man. Ms. Pearl told her to back off, that Rufus was her husband and that is why she was with him.. who the fuck was she. The woman began screaming and yelling, calling Ms. Pearl a Floozy and a Whore and that, Ms. Pearl told me, is when she lost it. She told the woman to go to hell and to keep her grubbing hands to herself. The woman came at her.. and that is when Ms. Pearl took out the little knife she kept in the band of her stockings and "slit the bitch". It was never reported because who were people going to believe.. a whore trying to steal her husband, or a respectable mother of 2. She told her family about her husband skirting around town with other women.. next thing you know, a few months later, she was a widow. One year later, she married the Preacher, and they were married until he passed away last fall.

I was STUNNED... hahahahaha.. I still am when I think about it. I asked her why she told me this and she said, "I told you this to drill one true lesson into your head.. Don't EVER, EVER, let some Dirty Whore take what is yours... by all means necessary"

Tatty Tatty Too Too ....

I am thinking about adding a new tattoo or two to my body. I called my brother who works in a Tattoo Parlor and asked him to think of some things that I might like. I told him I wanted a memorial piece and then something else to either add to my left wrist or put on the hand.

So, while he is looking, I decided to take a look at some tats that people have gotten.

This one is pretty bad ass. The amount of detail is fucking amazing.

 What the fuck was this man thinking getting half a heart tattooed on each hand? Hopefully he has some kind of fucking heart condition otherwise that shit is weird.

 This bitch has daddy issues. She prob. works the pole to pay for those..

This guy should have gotten that done by someone who is NOT a fucking retard.. if you look.... that tattoo has a fucking lazy eye.. like my grandma used to have.

Now to ones that are so fucking wrong they should even be on the Internet,

Why????  Why would you do this to yourself... unless they were fucking paying you to do it. You might as well get "Heart Disease Victim" on his back... douche bag....

Please... Please... back when this tattoo was done.. that super hero was lightly holding the breast on its shoulder.. it had not a worry in the world... now a days.. that super hero is fucking struggling trying to keep that titty from completely smothering it...PUSH MAN.... PUSH THAT TITTY UP UP and AWAY !!!!!!!!

By the time she is 80 you wont even be able to see that fucker anymore.. don't sweat it.

My Personal Favorites are the fucking retards that tattoo things like Robert Pattersons signature on their bodies or these.. my mind just fucking hurts.

Yet, I digress.. I have one more to show you and it is possibly the best tattoo I have ever seen. When I say the most awesome.. I mean for one specific person.. Constance... or Cone, as she likes to be called. She is a weird fucking chick and loves a grisly adams fucking type of lumberjacker.. and best of all.. she loves her some fucking beards. So.. Cone.. This ones for you....

Jersey Guido Boys... OMF-in G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

EVERYONE should watch this....  THIS HAS MADE MY FUCKING DAY!!!!!!

This one's for you Matty!!!  Love Ya Honey Bun!!!!!