Pimping out your Grandsons.......

Old People... what is there to say about them... by the time they get to 100 years old... they don't give a shit anymore.

Prime Example:

Today, as I am sitting here, at my desk, one of my elderly ladies comes up to the front because her grandson and great grandson are coming to see her. She is all dolled up and ready for a time out on the town. We start chatting and she asks me if I have any children, if I'm married, IF I'M A LESBIAN.... then she says that she got married young, had a whole slew of kids and so forth... blah, blahblah, blah, blah...
Next thing you know is, here come her grandson and great grandson. Grandson is in 50's, great grandson is in late 30's... she introduces us, they sign her out, and they leave. All of a sudden, the grandson comes back in, half laughing, and says that his grandma said that he should tell me that his name is Sam, his fathers name is Terrance, and that neither one of them is married, and that he has no children. I thanked Sam and told him I would see him after they got back from lunch..

Now, after lunch, they come back and she proceeds to tell them that I am not married, I am a "lovely girl", come from a family of good breeders, and I'm not a Lesbian. We all just looked at her with our mouths wide open.. she then tells them that I have a good job but that I'm not afraid to work seeing as how I have more than one job which also means that I am not high maintenance. Then she says, "I have to hit the head, I'll be right back.. don't leave boys, play nice" and with a wink she was gone.

So I asked them WHY she keeps putting emphasis on the fact that I am NOT a lesbian and Sam says its because his last 2 girl girlfriends ended up turning into lezbo's.. and of course I couldn't stop myself from hysterically laughing at this poor man whom obviously feels that he has turned these woman into lesbians. The older man said that all she did at lunch was talk about how he needed to re-settle down and how the younger of the two needed to settle down with a nice woman and have some babies.

I told them that they better get to marrying because if they don't, she doesn't seem like the type of woman to mess around with. They laughed and said no, she wasn't someone to mess with and that if they show up to take her out again and they have not at least gotten a date, she might end up beating the shit out of them.

We chatted for a while longer until she came back and they went outside. About 10 min ago, she comes back in and makes a bee-line straight for my desk. I smile and she says, "So, which one do you want?" I just laughed because this woman is seriously pimping out her grandsons.. I told her that they both seemed nice but that unfortunately, I think that their attentions might be otherwise engaged. She said nothing, then in a loud, pissed off voice said, "They need to be with a woman who can take care of me and them... that woman is you. Now, like I said, make a choice."
I have never REALLY been frightened of an old person before, but I swear to GOD, if she would have had a sharpened toothbrush at that moment, I think she would have shanked me with it...lol..

When she was through asking me which one I was taking, she said that she needed to go to her room at check her Facebook, update that she is anticipating the nuptials of one of her grandsons, and then she has to update her twitter as well.

Now, I have NO FUCKING CLUE how to work twitter and if I didn't have Facebook on my phone, I wouldn't know how to use that either... and here is this 100 year old lady all Tech Savy .... it makes me want to slit my fucking wrists... her fucking memory is better than mine.. it is disgusting.

After all this has happened, my old man Gerry comes over laughing. When I asked him what he thought was so fucking funny, he held up his left hand and started ticking off points...
 He said 
1.) That old biddy is bound and determined to get those boys married.. she is like a Pitbull.
2.) She has set her sights on you because you are not married, not a Lesbian, not High Maintenance, and come from a family of breeders.
3.) Your a sweet girl and honestly any man would be lucky to have you.. because remember.. you have more cushion for the pushin... no man likes to be tearing it up and in the middle have to stop because.. "Ow, your hurting me, that's too hard, blah, blah, blah"
4.) Your smart and you really don't need a husband to take care of you..
and
5.) I think that that woman gives no shit at all.. she is 100 years old, her give a shit got up and went a LONG time ago.

And this is why I love my Gerry..

He then went and got Tommy, one of my old Marine Vets and told him the whole story. Mr T., that's what I call him, said that those men wouldn't prob. know the first thing to do with a "full figured woman" such as myself..lol.. he said that his wife was a plump woman and even after 7 kids under foot... he still couldn't keep his hands off her. I then told him all that makes a lot of sense seeing as how he forever squeezing my boobs whenever he gets close. He said, "Your titties are WAY bigger than my wife's used to be... I like them... hence the squeezing and groping whenever I get a chance." Gerry was laughing so hard and gave Mr. T a fucking HIGH FIVE.. and then they both proceeded to talk about how any man that takes me on is going to need to be creative because although I might seem like a really nice, conservative young woman on the outside... they think I am STRAIGHT UP FREAK on the inside...   there words, not mine...lol...

Who knew that old men could be so perceptive...lol....