The other day my youngest brother coms to my house in the monstrosity pictured above. I started to laugh and asked if he was a fucking retard because he looks like fucking Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies. "That buggy is fucking sweet" he says to me as I roll my eyes and call him a fucking Jack-Wagon. If you all look closely, his buggy even has the bench seat raised for "granny" to sit on with her fucking shotgun.. asshole..lol..
The next day, he and I went out to see "The Hangover II", which by the way is FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!... but, as we are leaving, our other brother calls... this was the conversation on speakerphone...
(we will use B1 for little brother.. B2 for other brother...)
B1: Hey brother.. what's happenin?
B2: Hey, I need you to come out to the county line
B1: Why, what's doin?
B2: I need you to help me get your truck out of the mud
B1: You stuck?
B2: No, I just can't get it out
B1: Ummm... normally that means your stuck dick
B2: Fuck You you little bastard, I'm not fucking stuck I just can't get it out, so come get your fucking truck
B1: ... can't get it out??? That sounds like a personal problem to me bitch..lol
B2: I'm gonna fucking kill you as soon as you get here.. I hope you know that
Seriously boys???? Are you fucking serious.... bitch, if you can't get it out.. you are STUCK... fucking deal with it. Yet.. this is family logic... I remember one time I took my old mans truck out mudding when I was in Highschool, got stuck, refused to call and tell him OR his friends, so I stripped down to my underware and used my cloths and boots as traction for under the wheels in the mud because all the downed trees and branches and shit were soaked... no good for traction. Did I feel like a total douchbag for driving around Lehigh in my underware... yes... but I got the truck out without having to admit to anyone then..lol... that I was stuck. It is a pride thing I guess...lol...
My family has its own logic... as do most families... yet our logic comes with a lot curse words and a lot of stupidity. Here are some examples:
My father on pulling teeth out with a string and a doorknob..
"If you would shut your fucking mouth for a minute.. maybe the the string could catch and rip that fucker out of your mouth".
My youngest brother on a sure piece of ass..
"Well, Whenever I say, "Hello Whores", the one that doesn't get pissed off is the winner"
My father on keeping the peace between my mother and I..
"If both you crazy ass bitches are never wrong, just fucking blame me, I haven't been right since 1978"
My father on the perfect Christmas Present for Mom..
A 9mm handgun in a box with the note "This is to kill me with.. Merry Christmas"
My other brother on family order..
"Sorry dad.. but if one of you has to have an "accident" it'll be you... your life insurance is worth more"
Me, on siblings ...
"How the fuck are we related?? Your fucking retarded and I'm stuck on this side of stupid.. shit.. if we didn't look so much alike I wouldn't even claim you... dumbass.
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