Jersey Guido Boys... OMF-in G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

EVERYONE should watch this....  THIS HAS MADE MY FUCKING DAY!!!!!!

This one's for you Matty!!!  Love Ya Honey Bun!!!!!

Fo Shizzle Ma Nizzle

Last night as Matty and I were heading home from work I turned on my truck and all of a sudden, Lodi Dodi came on the radio, I turned it up ass loud, and because I know this song by heart... I serenaded Matty to Lodi Dodi. He told me I was funny, but honestly... I could have bust out with "Gin and Juice" or "Murda was the Case that they gave me".. and it would have been equally as entertaining.
 Now... back at the end of 1993 and throughout 1994, when Snoop Dogg came out with this "cover/remake" of Slick Ricks rendition of this song, we did nothing but listen to this ALL THE TIME. The whole album

DoggyStyle, was fucking sweet, not to mention how fucking awesome it was to have the CD jacket insert be cartoons of an explicit nature and the whole CD filled with nothing but shit your parents would NEVER let you listen to if you played it out loud. It was contraband and we played this album whenever and wherever we could. Snoop Dogg and later Uncle Luke a.k.a. Old Dirty Bastard (ODB) and I think later he might have named himself Jesus or something.. we went to TOWN with this shit.

Scarred was the SHIT!! We used to listen to this Album as well,

lol... Then you have the song Tip 4 Da Strip by

Splack Pack... OMG....

f you can... try to imagine a school bus FILLED with REALLY white kids  from a place called Lehigh Acres, singing these songs...lol.... It fucking rocked my socks right the fuck off... either that or bustin out to "Scarred" and "Tip 4 Da Strip" and the Fugees album..lol... dancing under-aged at the fucking Lani-Kai during college spring break...lol..  aaahhhhh.. the memories I barely can remember..lol. And how nice was it to be able to bust the fuck out with some "gangsta shit"..loll.... and not feel like a total douche bag like you do now... fucking 16 yrs lagter..lol.. 

Fuck I'm Old.

Gang-bangs and Trains... ooohhhhh Adrian... Your killing me...

OK.. yesterday at work, my co-worker Adrian comes up to me and says that she needs me to find her a over six foot tall sexy as hell biker that she can just go straight to being his "old lady" and not have to be passed around the "club" before she can settle with him.  Apparently she has been watching a lot of "The Sons of Anarchy" lately and is fascinated by this man...

NOW... y'all have to know me enough by now to realize that I couldn't let that one slide.. right? RIGHT.

So, I told her that unfortunately, she was going to be gang banged and have a mad-ass

Train run on her. She might as well get used to it now.... because she is going to have to suck a lot of dick to get to be that mans "old lady"... no new piece of ass is going to come into a "Biker Club" and go straight to "old lady" status.. sorry to burst your bubble sugar pie.. but that shit ain't happenin. You might as well put on a conductors hat and scream out "Choo Choo" because you are going to be a whole bunch of someones dirty whore before you are one mans old lady..lol... you will not only have to hold your own against the women in the club but you will also more than likely have to have public sex and share your first time out... plus.. as I said before.. you will have to suck a lot of cock so I would suggest getting your knee pads out and getting rid of that gag reflex...

Remember Adrian... Open your throat and relax your jaw and most definitely don't forget to cup the balls.... LMFAO

So then... teeheehee.. I decided to test her chops on the whole sex front and God Love Madelyn for getting out one of my favorite books...

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9572750-gotta-have-it
Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex

lol.. so as I was reading aloud to Adrian and Madelyn, David and Ryan.. the new guy.. Adrian was freaking the fuck out... I mean really????? If you are ready to Live the Life of a Bad Ass Bikers Old Lady you sure as hell should be able to handle me reading a few sentences about how this mans wife is sitting at her office desk with the door locked and a big black dildo stuffed in her pussy while she is moaning and talking to her husband on the phone. He steps out of his meeting to tell her what to do to herself.. It is a pretty awesome fucking book.. and Adrian was having a fucking conniption... especially when the husband told the wife to slap her pussy loud enough for him to hear it.. to be the dirty whore he knows she is...lol.... Adrian fucking lost it.... I don't think I have ever seen her turn that shade before..

The new guy didn't mind it... and ever if he did... fuck him... he is new.. I'm not going to not be myself just because people are afraid I will scare him off... its not like I'm fucking Grimace from next door... my name is not Mahgwhy and when you spill water on me or feed me after midnight I don't spawn little gremlin devils that like to watch fucking Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.... SHIT.

Needless to say, I have found a new person to torment with my explicit erotica novels... YES!!

On a side note... before any of that happened, Adrian asked me to find Erotica books with men on Harley's.. So, I found her 7.. to start. When our district manager was standing next to her.. I knew I couldn't pass this shit up.. so I went to Adrian and asked her if she only wanted men who rode bikes or if she wanted a book with people fucking ON bikes because if she wants the latter, I will have to go to a different section.  Then I started in with a few sentences then said the word "penetration" and that was it... our DM couldn't do it and said that she and Bonnie.. (one of the awesome old ladies that work with us).. didn't need to hear it.. "right Bonnie?" Then Bonnie said, "Oh.. hahahaha.. I don't care.. she's funny" .... YES !!!!!   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ..... SUCK ON THAT!!!

Holy Poop on a Stick that was awesome!!!!

Goodreads Review: Kiss of Snow by Nalini Singh

OK.... I HAVE FINALLY READ THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!  YYYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!!
WOW.. lol .. WOW is all I can say about the latest installment of The Psy-Changeling series... I have waited so long for this book, had built it up in my mind to be something AMAZING... and all I can say is that Nalini Singh has once again come through and delivered a book that was everything I had hoped it would be.

Action, romance, mystery, drama... OHHHHHHHH the drama....lol... She wrote Hawke and Sienna just the way they should be.. both strong, fierce, iron willed, and stubborn as hell. PLUS, just the anticipation of what was to come had me sitting on the edge of my seat and reading this book in one sitting.. straight through the night, and it was totally friggin worth it.

When Sienna is tired of being left frustrated by Hawke because he decides one minute not to touch her, ignoring her and the next decides that its ok, if only a little bit, to take skin privileges... she goes balls to the wall...lol.. and it is awesome because I honestly don't think Hawke knew what hit him... at first... ;)

The depth of emotions that the Snow Dancers and the Dark River packs show for not only their own, but also for those of the other packs really brought this book home for me. Emotional roller coaster is what this book was... and I loved every minute of it. The depth or emotion that Sienna shows for Hawke, Lucas for his child and Sasha, the other pack members for their mates and the packs as a whole.. almost had me in tears a few times.

What really surprised me was the depth of feelings that Walker has for all the children, his brother, his dead sister, and Lara... WOW.. Plus, how Judd and Walker feel sooooo much regret about not being able to "save" Sienna from the sham of a childhood she had or the land mines that have been plotted all over her life. The love in this family will move even the most scarred of hearts.


ALSO... I promise, I believe... deep deep deep down inside... that there is hope for Nikita yet.. I swear it, I can feel it in my bones...lol...

I CANNOT wait to re-read this book tonight... because yes.. this is a repeat re-reader....


!!!!!!!!!!!! READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuckin Walmart

Ok.... I drive a Isuzu Rodeo... its nice.. dependable.. has a cd player and a sunroof.... I feel high tech when I drive it.. it even has tinted windows... I swear its like luxury..
As you know I was taking a vacay up to South Carolina for a friends wedding. I got my oil changed before I left, at Walmart, in Mullberry, Fl. I woke up EARLY Friday morning and drove the 10 hours to my friends house. Saturday morning I wake up and find a puddle... YES.. I said a PUDDLE of oil under my truck. My friends father checked it and said that my plug cap wasn't screwed on tight and I was a quart low.  He said I should be fine to drive back to Florida Sunday morning and that I need to get it looked at when I get home.

I leave Sunday morning.. drive 11 hours straight... only stopping to get gas, and drive STRAIGHT TO THE WALMART to find out why all of a sudden my truck is leaking oil like someone who has just drank a bottle of green olive juice and is pee-ing out their ass....

After telling me that I needed to find a mechanic to fix it, that I would have to pay out of pocket then get reimbersed.. it could possibly be the oil pan and the plug being stripped.. blahhh, blah,, blahhh. 

So, after I broke down in the Walmart Automotive section weeping like someone just killed my puppy... not bad enough to be considered "ugly crying", but it was fucking close.  I couldn't stop but tell them I don't know why they think this shit is easy.... I'm away from home and I get really anxious when something goes wrong and I'm not near my brothers so they can come help me...

Next thing you know... they have me take it to Tuffy's and the men their were SOOOOOO NICE AND HELPFUL!!!!  The manager told me this which I thought was great.... "when you need tupperware or underware... go to Walmart... for anything having to do with your car... stay the fuck away"... and those are words to live by.

FUCK WALMART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a plus note.... I found new people that should be added into the book "The People of Walmart" .....lmao... great

Well Howdie.....

Ok, I am in South Carolina and tonight I went to my friends rehersal dinner/party and they had a DJ. The DJ played some older songs that I have heard before because I like old music.. old school summer songs... and out on the dance floor were 3 middle aged couples Shagging....no, lol.... not fucking/shagging... they were doing the actual dance.... I was fucking blown away... I haven't seen that shit since the 1989 movie Shag with Pheobi Cates... it was fucking awesome.
Now, as for everything else..lol... I completely forgot how red neck- back woods country these people are...  I about shit myself when I saw them all doing the fucking ChaCha slide... no coordination in the entire bunch... except for the REALLY gay brother of the groom and his REALLY gay sugar daddy... which reminds me... this kid is actually pretty ugly... how the fuck he found a sugar daddy is fucking beyond me... he must have a magical troll in his ass that has super special powers to keep that man... and talk about money...ugh. I started laughing because I looked around and realized that all those fuckers have money... sad, it is so fucking sad it made me want to set the whole fucking place on fire..lol.. My date.. we will call him DJ, thought it was the funniest fucking thing he had ever seen. He is from up north so he had never really been around people who raise their own hogs just to slaughter it and slow cook it over an open pit like these fucking hillbillies do. We had a good time and all but fuck.... get a clue... overalls are NOT proper attire for a wedding rehersal you fucking jack-wagon.. PLUS... if I have to listen to ONE MORE FUCKING PERSON SPEAK with their fucking twangy, nasally, barely speaking english rants... I might have to fuck someone up...
Wow.. maybe I had a little too much to drink.. the F-word is in full swing tonight... teeheehee.. which reminds me.. DJ is getting pissy I am typing and not F-wording...lol... so I'm "headed" out...lmao... tt "y'all" later

Final-Fucking-ly........ something I don't have to be pissed over...

Finally I don't have to leave a season or a series being pissed off to no belief... the season finale of Bones has made me one of the happiest people tonight...
Picture it... I'm at my bf's house, trying not to laugh so loud her kids wake up, and we are watching Bones. At the end, when Booth and Bones are walking down the street talking about Angela and Hodges baby.. I whispered, "Do It! Do It! Say It! Damnit..... SAY IT!!!!" , and when it was said I needless to say rolled over on my back kicking and screaming, flailing my arms all over the place whisper-hollering, "YES, YES, YES..... now I don't have to be pissed anymore!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!" Finally a good ending to a season of Bones..... Fuck!!!"  I then fell off the bed and hurt myself...lol... but I don't even give a shit.... it was totally worth having to take a muscle relaxer for my back..... 
OMG.... and Max totally KNEW... he KNEW what had happened between them.... he could tell it but amazingly enough.. no one else figured it out yet.. but who the fuck cares....

YES!!!!!!!!!! Sweet, Sweet Justice!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking Chuck Norris

I just got done watching Chuck Norris aka Walker Texas Ranger,  wrestle a Grizzly Bear and win using a Round House kick to it's muzzle...lol.... That's why I love Chuck Norris.  His awesomeness is so great that if he decided that he would run for President, he would win because he is Fucking CHUCK NORRIS....  He is like God in the way he see's and knows all..lol..
Did you know.... Crop Circles are Chuck Norris's way of saying sometimes corn needs to lay the fuck down...lol..
I once saw Chuck Norris kill the entire Viet-Kong Army with his fists, a machine gun, and a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck's dog doesn't poop because Chuck Norris doesn't take shit from anyone!!

Just so you all know... there is a Walker Texas Ranger marathon on Sleuth Channel this Sat!!!! 

What a way to begin my vacay...lol..

Goodreads | Backstage Pass by Olivia Cunning

I just got done reading this and its 4am.. I'll write a review tomorrow.. its sleepy time now..lol.  all I can say at this moment is this book Fucking Rocked!!! And I'm SO STOKED that I bought Rock Hard at the same time..
OK... where to start where to start.... this book was Sex-tastic!!! It wasnt just the sex though, it was the way the characters were described.. how they were individuals and a whole unit all wrapped up into one sexy freaking package.
Myrna is a Human Sexuality Proff. at a boaring ass confrence.. all she wants is a good time, some fun and laughter, but what she gets is so much more when she recognizes 5 men sitting in a bar as the members of a band she loves.. The Sinners. She decides to bite the bullet, goes upintroduces herself... what could really happen anyway?
Brian is drunk as hell trying to forget the latest of Groopie-Ho's that has cheated on him with a band  mate... He just cant win.. but when he falls off the table he was laying on in the bar and see's a pair of legs walk up to them.. it all changes, I honestly believe, from the moment he see's her.. even though he is super freakin drunk..lol..
The relationship that isnt supposed to be a relationship ignites in the morning and is fast and furious.Actually, it ignites at night when she is taking care of him... I think.. anywho... Myrna just wants to have a fun weekend and not catch any feelings but it is so very difficult not to catch them... especially when Brian dives head first into the shallow end of those emotions that must remain silent due to Myrna having one hell of an ex-husband. Brian realizes something about Myrna.. I wont tell, and God bless him even asks her to run off to Vegas and get married. She leaves him.. without him even knowing her last name.. no telephone numbers exchanged, nothing.
A month later.. and Brian is still reeling over the fact that he doesnt have Myrna.. and that when Trey steps in with a life line... a telephone number.. HER telephone number.. and now all Brian needs to do is grow the balls to call her...
What happens from here on out is just great.... there is so much depth to each situation that I couldnt put this book down. The way Brian oozes his feelings and how Myrna decides to ignore how she feels so no one will know... and FAILS..lol.... but thats the best freakin part. The dynamic that the band members have with eachother and with Myrna is all just gravy.
 I was so stoked that when I purchased this book I also purchased

Rock Hard at the same time.. because something told me that I would need to read it as soon as I was done with this one... and I am glad I listened to my instincts..lol...
The book I am MOST looking forward to.... Jace. Why? Because if Brians book is Sex-tastic... Jace's book with be Bondage-rific.... and I always love that kind of thing  ;)  ...teeheehee
2 Thumbs AND 2 Big Toes WAY up for Olivia Cunning and her Sinners on Tour Series... You have a new Fan Girl with me...lol

You spin me right round....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA..

I really cant help myself some times.

So, I am going to a wedding this weekend of a friend of mine from college. I am really looking forward to it even if I am not thrilled about seeing people whom I haven't seen in 15years... and their spouses/girlfriends. Now, I KNOW that I am not really the favorite person of a number of those spouses/girlfriends, but Oh Friggin Well. Just because your husbands

 ma maw says at family functions that he should have married me instead of you.. so fucking what.

Shit happens.

I have dealt with the fact that you are a vagina so now we will be even.

Now, when I go I am going within my exes BF.. am I excited...  FUCK YES I am excited.
Why you ask.....

I am going to come back a super happy friggin person... People wont know how to deal with me because I am going to be more pleasant than ever... unless he fucks everything up in a REALLY BAD WAY... then I will be so fucking pissed off I will look like

This reminds me of fucking FBKI... last night at work she tried being a fucking douche bag to me and I flipped the fucking script. I was walking out with Matty for a smoke and pretty much looked at her, said, "OOhhhhh  , you so not fucking funny" and flipped her the fuck off... Stupid "C" word.... uuhhh.. I wish she would just got back to fucking her father and leave us the fuck alone.

I have been watching I Love the 80's this morning and this is a joke from the "Truly Tasteless Jokes" joke book from the 80's.

What do you call the hair between your grandmas boobies........ her vagina.   HAHAHAHAHAH

What do you call a black kid riding a bike....... THIEF !!

lol... I am going to have to check this book out at the bookstore tomorrow.

Staking Claim....

I wanted to wait a couple of days before I posted this because I thought that maybe my thoughts were a little on the mean side when speaking of this next person... now, after a couple of days, I know she is still just as fucking retarded today as she has been for the past... whatever.. however the fuck long I have had the misfortune of having to put up with her skanky ass.. fucking Anhella..lol...

I will call her "Full Blown Kidney Infection" or just FBKI for short.

Well, FBKI uses the fucking bathroom more than anyone I have ever fucking met in my life. She is constantly saying, "I need to use the back... watch the cafe for me.." I understand when you have shit like that, that you may need to use the bathroom a lot so you can clear your system... I get it... but bitch... you went to the bathroom a fuck-load BEFORE you had this "so called" kidney infection. Maybe if you pee'd after fucking the dopey sons of bitches you screw.. like every smart girl knows to do... maybe you wouldn't have so many fucking problems...

People.. this bitch says that the book

reminds her so much of her own childhood....  ok... WTF!!!!! I think that if what really happened to her... IF it did... which is growing up in a cult where you call your father, cousin, and brother "boyfriend" and got married and had kids... I'm not sure if she was related to him but I don't think so because they are legally married and no matter what the song says.. I don't think you can legally be your own grandma....
anywhoo...
If she really had sexual relations with her family, and she left it trying to put it behind her and start new... WHY THE FUCK would she tell someone that this book reminds her of her life????!!! Where you locked in an attic by your fucking crazy mother who was slowly feeding you and your siblings rat poison on your fucking cookies bitch???? I DON'T THINK SO!!!!  You were just fucking your brother.... he wasn't trying to poison you... ass-hat.


BUT.. back to the fucking bathroom incident... When I got to work on Friday morning I walked in and awesome old lady Linda tells me that FBKI is in the bathroom again.. I voiced my opinion on it and Linda says, "Yeah, it's like she fucking homesteads back there"...
  hahhahahahahahhaah
I seriously about shit myself... all I could think of is this crazy bitch taking a flag and sticking it in the toilet saying, "I claim this toilet in the name of FBKI.. aka.. she who fucks her family"... Matty swears that she is in there all the time because she is a chronic masterbator... I swear she probably has one of these bad boys in her pocket

PLUS... if you have been "assaulted" by men in your cult.. WHY THE FUCK would you throw yourself at EVERY FUCKING MAN who comes into that fucking store??? If that were me... I would think I would try shy-ing away from men... not jumping on their cocks over the counter..
I mean... really?  She had the balls to come up to me and say this...  (OMF-inG.. she is a douche)

She says, "Lisa, I have a question? I have this man who wants to take me out to dinner and maybe to a movie. He is a professor and we are going to talk about school... should I go?" So I ask how old he is and she says he's like 65 or something so I told her, he was only after a piece of ass.. he doesn't want to talk about school... or her going back to college... he See's a young blond woman who is OBVIOUSLY a little slow and riding on the short  bus.. he is going to take you out, buy you things, then try to fuck you..
Needless to say, she didn't listen, probably because I cant speak fuck-tard, and then she comes back to me a few days later and tells me that I was right. No shit Sherlock.. I know I am. When it comes to old men... I know my shit...lol... that's funny..

anyway, come to find out she was living with this guy who I shit you not looks like fuckin Herman Munster

just a little more retarded looking and with a set of man boobs an Asian girl would kill for.

Jesus Christ.. someone needs to get this kid a fucking bra.. OMG, I cant stop looking at them... these boobs are bigger than my BF's... I have to send this too her... hahahahah  ... that shits great. Do you think if you poked them they would giggle like his belly full of jelly? I wonder if he motor-boats himself? Is that what he is going for? I wonder if puppies try to suckle from him.... I bet he is a fucking pedophiles WET DREAM... the best of both worlds....

But, back to my thing..

FBKI is going to get hurt if she doesn't stop fucking with me... How is she fucking with me you ask... she is breathing the same fucking air that I am and stinking it up with the stench of her assholeyness.  I don't use the "C" word but I will use it for FBKI.....

FBKI is a Cunt!! I dislike her with a passion.....

Smart-Mouthed Little Bastards...

Today at the nursing home this woman comes in with her granddaughter to see her mother. The little girl (8yrs old) says that she isn't going to sign her mother in, because her mother is "getting on her nerves". The grandmother and great grandmother tell her that she needs to be nice and not speak like that. If she doesn't stop, they are going to tell her mother. The little girl then sits there with this red look in her eyes and she yells, "You will NOT tell my mother ANYTHING!! If you do, grandma, something terrible will happen to your cats and your life will be over. I will make sure of it. I will steal the keys to a bulldozer and plow your house down... and Nanna, I will turn off your oxygen and make sure to cut the hose and give you too much medicine.. you both will say NOTHING!!!"

God Bless Gerry..... He looks at the girl and says, "Someone should beat your ass you little ingrate!" Then he starts wheeling his wheel chair over towards her and tells her grandma to hold her down while he takes off his belt and shows her how to respect her elders!!   YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now... 
I seriously didn't know what to say.. I just sat there catching flies with my mouth wide open because I could not believe that this little girl was so disrespectful to her Grandma AND her Nanna.. Just blew my mind. I can honestly say that I KNOW my grandma would have slapped the holy shit out of me had I ever said anything like that. Shit, my one grandma slapped the shit out of my father when he was 55 and told him he was never too old to get his ass beat by his mother.
That seems to be the difference now a days though... people just don't discipline their children anymore. I know that I got spanked all the time... and not in a good way.. lol...

Now that I think about it, it is kind of strange and disturbing how I like to "assume the position" against the wall or over the couch.... wow,... I think I just freaked myself the fuck out...
As long as I don't call a Dom "Daddy" though, I think I will be ok.

But anywhoo.. Being punished is a right of fucking passage.. and not the "I was put in time-out because i was bad" punishment... not the "I got one of my toys of something taken away" punishment... I am talking about and honest to God switch from a tree, a fucking HotWheels Track...

 OMG.. the HotWheels Tracks hurt the fucking MOST out of everything my mother ever grabbed to hit me with... those things will leave a fucking welt on you like no ones business..
A wooden spoon or a spatula work really well, especially when you smack them against the wall that with the spoon it leaves a indent on the wall or with the spatula you hit the wall so hard it snaps in half.... I cant honestly say that after my mother broke the spatula on the wall.... we left her the fuck alone for a few days... she was bad ass with it.... like a fucking ninja...

I am not telling people how to raise their kids but I am trying to tell them that old people are getting fucking fed up and if you are not careful... they might beat the shit out of your kid in public when you wont.... just sayin... Discipline your fucking kids!!

Enslave: Taming of the Beast by Cathy Yardley

ok.. where to start...
Nadia is a self sacrificer... she sacrifices her happiness, herself, her body, and almost her soul for her family. As her father is an ass and continues to put her in these positions, she once again sacrifices herself to a man whom is so brutal, so mysterious and scary that it is too much for her sister Jelena whom is the oldest and although has never realized what it is exactly that her sister Nadia has given for their family, she has an idea now.. when Nadia places herself in between her low-life scum of a father and this very frightening man. She offers herself in place of her fathers and families lives.. almost like a bargaining chip, until her father can get back what he stole from Dominic. Will her father be too late though... will she succumb to the will of this strange and powerful man..

Dominic is pissed... his favorite possession, his "Rose" and he will get his vengeance.. until some crazy ass little Russian woman places herself in front of the man responsible for his current unhappiness. There is something about her... he cant place his finger on it, but he knows he wants it. So, when she agrees that she is his, no matter what, he can do ANYTHING to her and with her, he is intrigued enough to forgo the vengeance and take the girl. Why??? He doesn't know, but he had to.

I really liked this story... It had just the right amount of each characters issues to intertwine their stories and help them work through it together.. but not too much to where one characters issues overpowered the others. I could have done with less of Jelenas story only because A) I wanted to know SOOO much more about Nadia and Dominic and B) I really just didn't care..lol... I know you had to have a little bit of her story to work out the ending but honestly... I don't care if she did all this sexing around.. it happens, she finally came into her own.. whoopdie freakin doo..

I am totally going to read other books written by Cathy Yardley... This book kept my attention and I DIDN'T want to put it down... and I only skimmed a little through the parts with the sister in them... teeheeehee.. The sex in this book was FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hard, slow, slappy, and bound... I would have loved if Yardley would have gone into more discription of the BDSM acts but hey,..... my imagination works just as well.. even better sometimes..lol..

READ IT!!
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6453283-enslave

Lollypopguildaphobia.....

I think I have it.... I really do.... Lollypoguildaphobia is the fear of little people.. or midgets... or munchkins... whatever the fuck it is you want to call them.

I'm not talking about this one

http://www.lollipopguild.org/Site/Lollipop_Guild.html which is part of the Gay Man's Chorus in San Fransisco...  Listen to them.. they are awesome!!
I am talking about this one......

These guys scare the shit out of me..

Honestly... I don't know what to do with myself... I went to Walgreen's to pick up my meds tonight and was walking around the corner to get a vanilla coke because they are the best coke's in the WORLD...

but, anywhoo.. I was walking kinda fast around the corner and ran RIGHT INTO ONE!!!!!

Now... I am in no way a small woman so needless to say, after I screamed "WHAT the FUCK!" at the scary little thing that was on its ass on the floor, I started to laugh and apologized and then told him..

." At least it wasn't a long way down"..  

  LMAO...

what could I say... then he got all pissy in his diapers or power ranger underwear..

 

I don't  know what the fuck little tykes like that wear.

. and he stomped off... calling ME a bitch!!!! WTF is that?????? Its not my fault that you are all "Vertically Challenge" and shit. I am in no way supposed to feel bad about the fact that Munchkins, Clowns and Mexicans are so similar its funny...

How you ask?

They can all fit like 20 fuckers in a Voltzwagon beetle..

Fuck it... Just a few more people to complain and send me BACK to fucking "Sensitivity Training".... If it didnt work the last two times you sent me... What the Fuck makes you think it will work this time ass munchers.. Do I look like a fucking Tree Huggin Hippie to you sons of dirty bitches... NO!  Because I'm not a fucking granola eating, pachulie smelling, berkenstock wearing, dreadlocks wearing when you are a white person (which by the way is just so fucking wrong on a totally different level all together that we will discuss it at a later time)... ASSHOLE.

Go Fuck Yourself Littleman... and make sure your not around when I go to sit down

I'm just saying....

Dirty Old Men..

I have Honeydew Melons for breasts.. I will not lie.. they are big. I try not to flaunt them too much because I am not in my 20's anymore but sometimes, like yesterday, I let the ladies out to breath and play.

It was Mother's Day and I was working with my old people. I knew that most of the men that live there were not going to get visits because it is a day for mothers. SO... I decided that i would wear something that would make them happy... which pretty much adds up to my boobs being on display. I don't mind it too much and I know my men loved it... especially when Manny asked me, "Is it Christmas?" and then made me bend over to pick up his napkin..lol..  Or Gerry who flat out told me to "twist a little to the left.. ahhhh... that's it" ...lol...  I know that David didn't "accidentally" graze my boob, I know he did it on purpose but honestly... the man is 96, when the fuck was the last time he grazed a boob?

I don't think this is bad.. its not like I work at that string of Nursing Homes in New Jersey where every month at Social Security Check time the old men's "Granddaughter's" come dressed in their minnie skirts and stiletto heels to visit good old "grandpa" and then leave an hour later with a mouth full of moth balls... because I believe that when you hit a certain age, that is what comes out of the penis instead of sperm.. and an extra $200 in their slutty pockets.  Do I look like I am into necrophilia???? Do I look like one of the "Girls Next Door?"???????  I don't mind because these old guys are just sitting in here day after day.. and I know damn good and well that there are a few other woman that work in here that don't slap the old dirty bastards hands when then cop a feel on boob or butts. Hell, I know a few of my co-workers, specifically Jeff and Leo who don't say shit when these old ladies smack them on the ass and wink at them or when the squeeze the ass cheeks just a little too long. And why the hell not...

As I told Matty on the way to the bar last night.... I cant be considered a dirty old lady when I hang out around real dirty old men...lol.. it just doesnt work age wise....  and I LIKE IT..lol...

I cant stop myself............

I cant stop myself from watching this show.... It is like crack, like fucking Cadberry Eggs to me. I am more addicted to this than I am to my Evo

The drama that goes on in this show blows my freakin mind. It is like Jersey Shore, the ORIGINAL 90210, the movie Bella Mafia, and The Godfather Part 3 all rolled into one....lol.... I totally cant believe that they show the sessions of Renee's therapy.. if I was her father, I'd put a hit out on the therapist so she couldn't say shit and leave a "message" for my daughter to shut the fuck up...lol..  Will I read the book that Karen Gravano is writing.... yes, because I am an asshole..lol..

One of my most favorite quotes is by Renee

"You want to play Mafia wars.... I WIN BITCH!"

Priceless...

This show is so much better than any of the Real Housewives Bullshit.. I don't have much time to watch TV so I have to Tivo pretty much all my shit.. and I threatened to shank whoever the fuck it is that is stopping my Tivo of Mob Wives.

Another show I cant stop myself from watching is Platinum Weddings. WTF is this show? WHO THE FUCK spends $92,000 on fucking FLOWERS? Why do you need 4, YES, 4 wedding dresses? YOU DON'T BITCH!!  Plus, just so you know, the first dress for the ceremony that cost you $100 THOUSAND DOLLARS and that you thought was elegant and timeless... it makes you look like a French Whore who was vomited on by a Bidazzler you money blowing twat! Holy Christ on a Crutch... you are an R-tard. You belong on the short bus and eating crayons dipped in cement glue.... fucking jack wagon!

You know what would be an awesome show... It would be along the lines of My Big Redneck Wedding but an actual show.. like... Redneck Wives/Sisters... woman and their children dealing with the heart breaking situation that Redneck Wives/Sisters find themselves in... like.. when their husbands/brothers spend more time with their Trucks, Guns and their Hounds than they do their families.

I am a visionary!!!!

I cants help if yous doughna like sexy time....

One of my most favorite past times at my favorite job is to read excerpts from erotic books to my manager... She flips the fuck out and it is funny as hell... Sometimes I think people like Matty and Madelyn give me books on purpose because they know I can not control myself.

FOR EXAMPLE...

Today I was looking through Erotica when I found a M/M erotica book for Matty.. so of course I set it aside. When he came in, I gave it to him and he took it in the back. So when I go into the back office where Jess is with Matty and Maddy, he gives me the book turned to a sex spot and I started to read aloud.
Needless to say it was explicit and it was one man shafting his dick in and out of the other mans tight ass when all of a sudden the shaftee says to the shafter.. I love you... the shafter stops dead cold and tells him never to say that, that he shouldn't. Next thing you know, the shafter grabs the shaftee by the hair, yanks, and.......

I would have finished that paragraph and prob the book had Jess not taken her hands away from her ears at that moment and slapped the book right outta my hands.

LMAO.... it was fucking awesome... almost as good as reading the Gay Sexual Position Deck of Cards to her.. Each card had a different sexual position and had a description of what the top and bottom participants are supposed to do.. it even had drawings of what the position looks like...lol... It was great.

I understand some people

don't really appreciate the fact that others are as open as I can be about sex, and I think that what I read out loud to her for the most times is VERY light stuff... I mean, I don't go grabbing the book

and start reading to her about how this man is slapping bitches (his word not mine) asses and making them swallow his shaft whole, and then

 taking his balls in their mouths and gargling them like one of those ball washers at the golf course. 

OR

At least I don't get out the book

and start reading the first of MANY sex scenes, which start on page 6, and read aloud to her about how when the heroine woke up, she realized she was in a warm bed, and that she was alive and not dying in a frozen ditch somewhere.. and that's when she felt the hot breath of someone at the nape of her neck and the long lean body of someone pressed up against her back.. and yes, a penis, a very large one, pressed between her thighs...how when she went to move, all of a sudden, a large hand grabbed and kneaded her breast and the penis was being slowly thrust back and forth....


ANYWHO..lol..... at least I didn't read any of THAT to her.... she really should be thanking GOD that I am as nice as I am about what I read out loud to the rest of the employees... but I know that she prob really doesn't mind because
A) I haven't been sent to "Sensitivity Training" yet... well... again..lol..
and
B) she is always laughing and her face gets all flushed when I read it... teeheheeheheh... so she can't hate it THAT MUCH..  plus.. everyone else seems to get a kick outta it so why not continue? Right?

P.F. Wangs

Tonight I took my mother to P.F. Chang's for her "Sorry I wont be there for Mothers Day" Dinner... as she is on her second Mhi-Tia... she says, "You know... they should change the name of this place to PF Wangs with all the men they have got slinging trays around here." Then we proceeded to talk about what qualities a dream man would have...

1)  He has got to do the dishes....

2) He has got to do Laundry

3) He has to mow the yard

4) He has to do ALL OTHER OUTSIDE WORK...



5) He has to shut the hell up and deal with the fact I AM NEVER WRONG!!

AND NUMBER SIX......

He doesn't have to do any of that as long as he is ......

Bear Grylls..

Damn Skippy!!!!!!!!!

My Mother cracked me the hell up.. I could not believe that she is a closet Bear Grylls fangirl.

So, then she asked me what qualities my dream man would have....

I told her he needs to have a body like this

A face and teeth like this

and do the SUPER AWESOME THINGS with a whip that this man can do

Plus bite as nice as him

and I'd be in HEAVEN !!!!!!!

She then said that she really thought we should change the subject because all that talk about whips and biting was making her uncomfortable...lol....

If she only knew... she would prob commit me to some type of AA where you go to exercise the demons of BDSM...     hahahahahhahahah

I cant help it if

They do.. teehehehheeeeee..